Leopards and Their Spots

It's an old adage, but so true. If you're young, and haven't heard it yet, I'll be your mama and tell it to you. If you have heard it, I can see your head bobbing up and down from here, and can hear the small, almost silent "amen, sister."

Leopards do not change their spots, darlin'.

My former husband – no, ex-husband – read the previous post and protested much about the reference to his being unfaithful during our marriage. He said that he had made many mistakes during our six years, but being unfaithful was not one of them.

So, his list of "Provable Facts," (numbered one, two and three) about when he met his current love, when he took her to Utah and when he took her to Florida start seven months after the divorce papers were signed. He claimed malicious libel and intent on my part by writing my blog referencing the emotional pain I was experiencing to cleanse myself of all blame in the matter, and mostly, to getting my dates wrong. I heartily apologize for insinuating he was unfaithful to me with his bride. It's clear now that the woman he took to church the Sunday three days after I left and introduced to all our friends was not the same woman he married.

Here's some provable facts (numbered one, two and three):

1. His sister offered me $10,000 and an apartment rented for a year in my name to divorce him during the first three months of our marriage. I'm really not sure why. Several phone calls between brother and sister ensued after we moved to Kentucky, and she suggested he go visit his former girlfriend from Lexington for attitude adjustments. The same former girlfriend who showed up in the small town we lived in, about 80 miles from Lexington, not two weeks after we arrived. The same former girlfriend he continued to e-mail back and forth during the full course of our marriage, from day one to day none. I did protest, but his connection to her was strong. And he wasn't giving up any of his connections with women to make his wife feel more secure.

2. His brother called me the last few months of our "marriage on paper" and recounted tales of my ex-husband meeting with women on business trips. He said I needed to put on my cowboy boots and kick his ass in court. Which I didn't. And get a medical exam. He stressed the last part. I should have listened a little closer to the last part.

3. He admitted to unfaithfulness during his first marriage. Twice. Maybe three times. With his wife's best friend. I have to give him credit for being honest with me about that. His first wife never had a clue.

I could go on and on about how much I loved this man, and why I was willing to live through the emotional hell my life became just on the hope that he would return to being the charming storyteller of tales, the romantic poet and dancer in the moonlight I met and married.

I wished him congratulations and a happy and healthy life and I meant it. Still do.

But am I over the betrayal, the trust issues, the loss of so many dreams? Nope. That will take more than seven months for me.