I have noticed that even in the most intelligent of folk, perceptions can be skewed based on emotional responses to any given situation.
If you have fear with regard to any particular subject, you are prone to defend your views most vigorously, with the fervor akin to a mama bear and her cub. Fears of loss, fears of not getting something you want, fears of being found out for the person you really are, fears of not being found out for the person you really are. Makes no difference: Fear makes you defensive.
I've made the trip around the sun many, many times and each time it gets both easier and harder.
Easier because I have learned a lot about who I am and who I ain't, so the ride is a little more enjoyable. Harder because while the knowledge is increasing, the organics of the human body are decreasing. The 30-year-old mind doesn't match the 58-year-old body. The military Catch-22 comes to mind.
The single most important thing I have learned, and believe me, it's a hard lesson, is that you must let go of fear to get on track emotionally, physically and mentally. No number of pages read from Eastern (or Western) philosophies will do it. No wise quotes, no outside counsel, no well-meaning friends or relatives. Has to come from within.
Fear of being alone? Big one. But really, none of us are really alone. Humans are not loners by nature; we all belong to a pack of sorts – team whatever. We all have someone somewhere. It may not be of a sexual nature, which is what most of us think when we say...we're alone...but we have siblings, children, parents, friends or "people who are in the same boat."
Do not fear being alone. Do not fear being lonely. It's okay. Spend time with yourself and figure out if you is who you like or don't like, face it, and move on. Fear makes you defensive, which makes you bitter, judgmental and mean. Fear keeps you from helping yourself to your own personal path of enlightenment, keeps you from exploring, kills curiosity and playfulness. Fear closes eyes and closes minds. Suddenly your perception of the actions of other people becomes one of suspicion and absolute and unequivocal insistence that they alone have caused a rift in your Universe, when in fact, fear has driven that perception into a virtual brick wall. Your fear. Yours.
True perception of another human soul is not liking their hair, their skin color, their eye color, That's attraction to your mirror image of what you think you would like to possess. True perception is allowing actions and words to be just that: actions and words. No analysis of the intent, just believing in the good, and not letting fear drive your mind.
When I was newly married to my former husband, of whom I speak often, I felt loved enough to let go of my fears regarding my past, my body image, my feelings. In a few short years, my past became my judge and jury, my arms were too flabby to wear tank tops and my legs too pale to wear shorts and my feelings were invalidated. I walked on eggshells lest I angered the beast and slowly, slowly faded into non-existence. I had so much fear that I would literally cower, physically and emotionally.
His perception of me became my own perception.
Over the next six years after the divorce, I slowly came back to myself, and let go of all those fears. Literally, like an onion, I peeled off one layer after the other. I tried to communicate my feelings and my responses so that what I said or what I did was understood. I didn't judge myself against others based on my physical appearance. I own my past, all of it. I'm happy with me. And, others are happy with me. I can laugh at myself for all the craziness and forgive the people in my life who have hurt, intentionally or unintentionally.
I have let go of fear.
No comments:
Post a Comment