Is She Really Ranting About Toothpaste?

Yes, she is

She most certainly is.

You know, I grew up in a household that there was one toothpaste, and it was Crest. It prevented cavities. To my parents, that was most important, and whether or not any of our teeth were "ten shades whiter" made no difference whatsoever. We drank clean, fresh well water, which came out of the tap practically ice cold. No fluoride, the magic chemical of the 1950s, so of course, since fluoride was touted as the ultimate cavity preventer, we had to use Crest. Now, we kids heard there was a toothpaste on the market called Colgate, but it didn't contain fluoride at the time.

Now, this Crest came in a 8.2 ounce tube, with a tiny little cap which was forever rolling under the toilet or behind the door (our bathroom vanities were built-ins, so that tiny little caps could never roll under them). Twice a day, without fail, our teeth were minty-fresh Crest. The fluoride in Crest was no match for the hundreds of boxes of Snow-Caps, Malted Milk Balls and Milk Duds that were my passion for many years, but it was a noble fight. 

Over the years, of course, toothpaste took on a whole new persona. Now all of a sudden, it became of primary importance to not only prevent cavities, but to make your breath smell like peppermint and whiten your teeth. Toothpaste became a cosmetic product that had to do everything that would make your mouth both healthy and sexually appealing. It was – and is – the new Snake Oil. And, not only this, but it steadily reduced the product in the tubes from 8 ounce to 3.5 ounces. For way, way more money. Reportedly, a tube of Crest cost just under 50-cents in 1956. Now, among the several offshoot brands of Crest, the highest priced one, with a spiffy aluminum-colored top (and not a tiny one, either) costs $6.99 (and it's 3.5 ounces of sparkly blue gel).

I have tried many toothpastes in my lifetime. I begged mom to buy Stripe toothpaste, and she did begrudgingly, but only because it would continue to keep me brushing my teeth, and since I was the kid with all the teeth issues, whatever she could do to keep cavities and the dental visits at bay was worth it. I used Ipana for a while, because it seemed more European to me, although it wasn't. At the tender age of 12, I craved anything exotic. In my hippie stage, I used tooth powder, which was messy and not very effective at preventing cavities, I'm sure. You name it, if it was on the shelves of the local grocery, I used it at one point or another.

Toothpaste now comes in plastic tubes, not metal, and it's hard to actually use all of the product. The caps have changed to the more convenient ones which allow you to just flip open the cap (thus eliminating the lost cap and the ensuing verbal thrashing for losing it yet again) as well as standing it on the counter. Great changes, yes. Paying a whole bunch more for half the product, no. 

After all, it is just toothpaste. A specific product for a specific use. I think it's become way too diversified. Whatever happened to keeping things simple?