The Foods Of Historical Significance

I'm not sure why, but recently I felt compelled to revisit some of the foods I grew up eating when I was a child.

I think it was an old Monty Python sketch about Spam that launched this uncomfortable journey.

Because, like most every American household in the 60s, we ate a lot of Spam.

Spam was the meat du jour on any given day, and to my recollection, almost every Friday evening. The big thing in our household was "Breakfast at Night," whereby we ate scrambled eggs, toaster waffles, bacon and fried Spam. Saturday's lunch menu was always Spam sandwiches (on Wonder bread, of course, with plenty of mayonnaise. As kids, we didn't care, because Big Meat was always cooked on Sunday (whether it was a gorgeous beef roast, complete with savory veggies or a roast chicken, with dumplings cooked in the juices), so we knew we would have "real" food to gorge ourselves on the next day. Sunday's all-day cooking would result in lots of other leftovers that did not resemble Spam.

Dad loved the stuff. I loved opening the cans, because it required a mysterious "key" with which to hook onto a small metal tab, and if you took your time and rolled back the metal just right, you could open the can. If you broke off the metal, well, then it was time for the pliers, because no can opener, electric or manual, could open that rectangular contraption. It was my singular achievement to roll back the metal so tight that you couldn't tell where the metal and the key became fused. It was something I was quite good at.

I decided that a taste of the 2018 variety of Spam was in order.

I had recently purchased a tin of Deviled Ham, another of my childhood memories (again, on white bread with a lot of mayonnaise) and I found it to be suitable for a chip dip, but not a sandwich. One can was all it took for me to decide it wasn't suitable for that, either, after I had a bit of stomach distress after eating the whole thing (I bought the double-size). I had also bought a can of "Sweet Sue Chicken and Dumplings," which we ate in double doses when we had a no-cook evening, and I remembered it to be a savory meal of tasty dumplings with real chicken, stringy and pressure-cooked just like the real thing. The can I opened had the dumplings stuck to the inner lid, smelled of Alpo, and had bits of rubber squares masquerading as chicken. We won't even get into the description of what the dumplings tasted like.

Spam has tried to corner the market on all things instant meat, with several varieties, ranging from "spicy" to "lemon-pepper." I bought the normal, run-of-the-mill Spam, marked "original," and was dismayed that the can no longer sported the essential "key" with which to open it. After opening the can, the first whiff brought back all those things I loved about Spam, along with the "squishy" sound it makes as you pry it from its container. I sliced it up, and placed two on a piece of sandwich bread and took a bite.

I'm not real sure how I survived the 60s, eating Spam as a food source. Or, for that matter, Deviled Ham and Sweet Sue Chicken and Dumplings.

It tasted remotely of ham, but mostly of a slimy grease, for want of better words. The next morning, I decided that I would fry up a slice. Needless to say, I did not need to put any oil in the pan, as it contained plenty all by itself. It did make a slight difference in the taste (better) but not on the "this will give me a heart attack if I eat any more of it" register.

And, since I am not fond of, but have had plenty, "TV Dinners," mostly Swanson, I think I'll leave those convenience foods off my list for a little while. When Mom discovered the Amana Radar-Range (it took up half of the kitchen counter, and shined like a beacon in the night), she also discovered Swanson dinners, pre-packaged with meatloaf, fried chicken and salisbury steak, along with a spoonful of corn or mashed potatoes (heaven forbid green beans) and a brownie that never quite came out of the paper dish. There weren't a whole lot of varieties of food in TV dinners back then, and unfortunately some of them still came in the aluminum plates, which took care of Mom's first microwave in about 30 seconds. After much wailing and absolute despair, another one was purchased at Sears, and TV dinners were no longer in the freezer, for fear of another incident. It was a bit of a status symbol back in the day to have an Amana Radar-Range, and Mom was very proud of her new appliance. She wasn't going to take another chance. Dad's limit on purchasing appliances had been reached.

I've never been able to master a lot of the great foods I grew up eating, such as fried okra and green tomatoes, Sunday roast with Yorkshire Puddings (cooked right in the enamel roasting pan - yum!) and fried fish (I ate the crunchy fried fins like they were candy). Dad cooked frog legs and oysters and rabbit (and I ate every single thing without hesitation), but I wouldn't not touch a frog leg today, and certainly not rabbit. I haven't cooked a Cornish game hen for decades, nor have I dined on goat, dove or alligator, also dishes prepared by Dad on any given weekend. I'm giving up on Spam and Deviled Ham, and gladly so. Cans of Sweet Sue will never grace my pantry shelves again, hurricane or no.

I have yet to revisit tins of Corned Beef Hash (also a staple of my youth) or LeSuer English Peas (try as he did every year, Dad could never grow English peas to any great extent, and love them he did), but I think I'll let my digestive tract recover for a while. Some things you don't need to remember.