Huge Difference, People

I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have encountered this issue. I've argued this point with men until I am blue in the face.

Romance is NOT sex, it is NOT love. It is the act, or art if you will, of wooing. It does not guarantee sex; it does not guarantee love. It is the verbal and physical act of courtship.

Remember courtship? You know, that old-fashioned notion that if you showed your love interest that you cared for them, respected them and wanted to get to know them better, that you could do this via dinner dates, walks along the beach, flowers, candy and hand-written notes avowing your devotion?

That, my friends, is called "budding romance." Romance, people. It's walking along the Champs d'Elyse in Paris on a rainy day, oblivious about how your hair looks, or if your water-proof mascara is holding up. It's holding hands while you're strolling along a stretch of beach, chatting about your life before and your life after meeting each other. It's buying flowers just because, it's sending a card in the mail to one another, even if you live together...

Romance doesn't go away. It sticks with you. It's heart-felt respect and love for another person, shown by so many little things. It's different with everyone. I had a suitor that brought me cabbages and a lovely head of lettuce once. Because, he was at a Farmer's Market, and these were grown in a field behind the market, so he knew I would appreciate that they were purchased from a farmer. I've had beaus bring me flowers on the most random of occasions. I've had little notes left for me on my art table, my bathroom mirror and under the windshield wiper of my car. That is the art of romance.

But, for some reason, it has been a growing trend to believe that romance is the same as sex. It is not. It's so far away from the act of sex that it's practically not even using the same alphabet. And, it angers me so. Keeping the "romance" in a marriage is not finding new positions in sex, or wearing a French maid's outfit – that is feeding your need to copulate. Romance is kept in a marriage by pillow talk on a lazy Sunday morning. It is kept by holding hands, by opening doors for your female partner, by leaving a note somewhere your partner will find it, declaring how important and wanted they are in your lives.

"Romantic Getaways" lauded by travel magazines usually include warm climates, boat drinks and luxurious bedrooms. That does set the stage for romance, for sure, as does it set the stage for uninterrupted sex, fueled by less clothes and more margaritas. The romance comes in to play when you add in the holding hands, the strolls on the beach, the flower you snag off a hibiscus bush and place in your loved one's hair.

Try to understand the difference in romance, love and sex. Then practice romancing your mate. Without expectations, without demands and without feeling like you're not getting your money's worth out of those flowers if you don't get laid.

You'll sleep better.