A Particular Form Of Anxiety

I honestly don't think other artists, successful or not, have the same anxiety I get when I'm faced with cancelling a show.

Weather in Florida is famously unpredictable. I don't mind heat. I don't mind a little rain, and overcast days are actually the best days for a show to be held. But torrential tropical depressions are not my thing.

One of the first festivals I had to do without my former husband was in Lexington, KY. My daughter came with me to help, as she lived with us at that time. The prognosis of rain was on the horizon for Friday, but the weekend looked okay. We got literally soaked to the bone. I don't think I have ever been so wet in my life. Rain coats did not help. Trust me, this was rain of immense proportions, and it started with us halfway though getting the tent poles up. So, I have a particularly uncomfortable remembrance of that show, although it made us enough money to pull through another month without my husband's income to keep the electric on.

Needless to say, one of my dream areas to do a festival in has been St. Armand's Circle, in Sarasota, FL. I've paid for the booth, lined up a hotel, gotten my work together and my Art Sherpa took a Friday off to set up. BAM. In comes tropical depression of major proportions, coming straight across the Gulf of Mexico, right smack dab into Sarasota. It's been going on for five solid days, with forecasters insisting it would continue through the weekend. Then, hubby gets a notification from his work that he really, really, really needs to work Friday and Saturday, although they have approved his time off.

Then the anxiety moves in. I have to have the income, because it's my job. It's these types of decisions that grind my gut into mush for days. But, at the last minute (today, actually), I applied for a different show in June, cancelled the hotel, notified my Art Sherpa of the change in plans, to which he breathed a giant sigh of relief (see blog post on how much my hubby loves his job) and I'm about to notify the show promoter of my cancellation.

And an hour later, the skies open up and the sun comes out.

I feverishly check the weather on not one, but five weather apps on my phone for the predictions in Sarasota. Still showing thunderstorms, but the radar says differently. Radar says no cloud cover, no rain, nothing, nada.

I must have uttered "what the HELL?" no less than fifteen times.

So, I've lost my booth fee (quite substantial), managed to cancel hotel without getting burned and now I'm out a show that I've been looking forward to for months.

This is what many artists face, but I feel as though I'm all alone in my anxiety. Most artists that I have meant at questionably weather-intense shows stick it out, because something always happens at the last minute. I should have remembered this. I should have not let my doubts creep in.

And I'm secretly hoping for torrential rain in Sarasota....