A New Awakening...Again

I have to laugh at myself sometimes. In fact, I laugh at myself pretty often.

I made enough at my last art festival to skimp along through the month of May, with an end in sight, but I have to remember that I have the Months of Summer to contend with. My festival in Sanford, FL was, to say the least, abysmal. Yep, that's a good word for it. Luckily, I had some money held back from my successful shows in April to tide me over, but the point is: Just when you think you can exceed your expectations, humility hits you in the face.

I can't make big bucks every festival. It's highs and lows, or feast and famine, as I used to say about my former husband's line of work. When it's up, it's up. When it's down, arguments about money ensue.

Arguments that include going back to work at minimum wage, just to have money coming in every week. I'm 61 years of age. Close to retirement income from the U.S. Government. Walmart is not in my future.

My husband makes a steady paycheck, and it's pretty good for a guy who is very, very blue collar. He loves his work, won't even take a vacation day unless it's forced by a medical emergency, or a whiney artist who wants to set up on a Friday for a particularly far-away show. He lives for his job, so he understands my driven personality when it comes to my "job," which is still baffling to him that what I do is actually work. He is also afraid to take time off because if his employer realizes that they can replace or do without his supervisory skills, he won't have his income, either. When I come home with less than I need to pay bills, it starts the endless circle of discussion as to whether or not what I do for a living "is going to work." So, while I have endless support when I make money, if I don't, it becomes questionable.

My work is impacted by several factors: First, my ability to recoil from a particularly good show. I make all original work. It takes an enormous amount of time to do this art. There are a million reasons why I sometimes fail...including the care and keeping of my sanity and keeping chaos at my house at bay.

Second is the buying public. If patrons are not in a buying mood, or don't come out to shows, my art cannot be supported. I am constantly seeking out new festivals so that I can gauge the demographics in a particular area, to find my niche. This is a stressful business, not as carefree as it could - or should - be.

Third, I do depend on my hubby to help. This is also a very strenuous job, and requires that you be able to lift, carry, and do quite a bit of physical work just to get the tent in place, walls up and art hung. He is totally immersed in physical labor on a daily basis – enjoys it, in fact. He negotiates parking spaces and traffic and loading and unloading much better than I do, tenfold. I am horrible at driving into festivals, finding my booth spots and parking spaces. Most of the festivals we do, we dolly in all the art and tent, because it's easier than fighting that one artist who refuses to unload before they set up their tent, causing a blockage along the drive-in lane. I honestly believe that when it comes time for me to do these alone, it will take me hours to get ready. Serious hours. So, I hope to have a recreational vehicle by then, so that I can head out on Fridays for set-up.

Now, my Art Sherpa is not unwilling to help. He secretly enjoys doing these festivals, talking with people, getting away for weekends. I can see it in his face, and he is always checking to see if I have another festival and when, and keeps me updated on the festivals he hears about over the radio, and wonders why I'm not doing one every weekend. See above reason number one. He is always thinking about different ways of setting up the tent, things that could be done to increase the ease of putting it up and ideas as to how to showcase my work differently. But when he has to dig into his pocket to buy decking material, instead of digging into mine, it's a different story. The deck just won't get finished. We just haven't quite worked out that aspect of our lives together yet. It's that whole "burned by ex-wife" thing and a sincere reluctance to be a couple. It's just his nature.

So, as I get on the computer to work on finding shows, juggling credit cards to pay for the booth fees,  update and manage the website and blogs I use to further network my art, and then spend the rest of the hours to create the work, I think about all those positive and supportive comments from friends and patrons, far and wide, and try not to focus on the little black cloud I sometimes share my home with. It keeps me going. YOU keep me going.