I Yam What I Yam

And it ain't no sweet potato.

I have my dark moments. I can be mean as a snake when I want to be. And right now, I'm not mess-with-able.

I've not had a particularly easy life so far, and I've got a whole closet full of skeletons, with bags of rotting regrets and bad decisions stuffed in the corners. I was skating on pretty thick ice for a couple of years, and now the ice has gotten a little thin, like my patience and my time.

We've all had days where we hide in corners lest we strike out at those we care about with unimaginable venom. It's one of those days for me. It's a good thing it's just me and the dogs for a week or two, because it gives me a chance to recover from this depression and get back to pooping rainbows and hugging unicorns.

The weather is currently horrible, which pretty much matches the turmoil I'm feeling inside for many reasons. My art shows have not been going well, but it's the luck of the draw as to "good ones" versus "bad ones." Timing is everything. The last two festivals have been rainy and cold and not financially viable, and I'm so over pulling a trailer which offers a 3-gallon hot water tank and no heat. Not to mention trying to find somewhere to park the thing for the night, I miss the days of a nice clean hotel room with television and 45-minute hot showers. And fluffy white sheets.

I've got mounds of things on my to-do list at the house, and they're weighing heavy on my brain.  There are other things I'm going to have to pay someone to do, and if things don't pick up on the art front,  then they won't get done. I've got the pressure of keeping my inventory up art-wise, and I've had a few days lately where I literally sit at my art table staring out the window, in a zombie-like state. I'm always in overdrive and it's catching up.

So, I'm back to forcing myself to go slow. To think slow. To just be more deliberate in my actions and  careful to choose my words, lest I jumble up and tornado myself into hurting someone's feelings.